Thursday, April 22, 2004De-De-Baathification
Oh, for fuck's sake...
U.S. Says It Is Loosening Policy on Baath Party
By EDWARD WONG
BAGHDAD, Iraq, April 22 — The American administration in Iraq said today that it was loosening a policy aimed at purging the Iraqi government of members of the former ruling Baath Party.
The change marks the first major policy rollback by the White House during the occupation of Iraq and signals a sharp split on the issue with the Governing Council, particularly with Ahmad Chalabi, the council member in charge of the de-Baathification process.
Translation: they were bastards, but we hardly have any friends at all in Iraq now, and that Chalabi guy's an even bigger snake than Cheney. So we're taking literally anything we can get.
In light of this decision, I'd like to present what may become a regular feature here:
NEWS OF TOMORROW
The Cheney administration announced today that it has located a replacement for the recently-indicted former head of the Governing Council, Ahmed Chalabi.
The replacement, Saddam Hussein, is a longstanding political figure in Iraq, with extensive experience in leading the country. He's also a one-time ally of the United States and was chosen for his proven ability to create and maintain peace and order in Iraq.
When asked by reporters whether this Saddam Hussein is the same Saddam Hussein that former President George W. Bush forcibly removed from power, President Cheney replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Mr. Hussein is an Iraqi exile and was never in US custody. Perhaps you're thinking of Muqtada al-Sadr. Or Zacarias Moussoui. Yeah, Moussoui... yeah, that's the ticket."