Thursday, September 23, 2004
Vexed

I'm feeling a bit peevish today, but without apparent cause. Nothing has happened, no misfortune has befallen me; I am safe and secure and generally provided-for. And yet I feel as though something is just... a little... off. I'm restless, and looking for something to distract me, but no available option seems to do the job. The things I lack, both personally and materially, are getting to me more than I normally allow them to; interestingly, my natural response seems to be to push away from the things I want rather than pull them closer.

Hmmph.

How about you guys?

Update: In the end, Diana came to my rescue. She came over and we watched Todd Solondz' magnificent film Happiness together. It was exactly what I needed: thick, black, sick humor, the catharsis of revelling in humanity's essential fucked-up-ness. The first time I saw it was on my 23d birthday, alone at a late screening. Afterwards I went home and called my boyfriend at 2 AM, inconsolable at the horror of it all. For some time afterwards -- in spite of my absolute rejection of censorship in any form -- I couldn't rid myself of the uncomfortable feeling that some things just shouldn't be allowed. The second time, I was less offended. The third time, I was laughing my ass off. It's a great film.

I don't feel quite "uplifted" yet, but I do feel better. (Does that sound strange? Remember, darkness by its very nature implies the presence of light.)
6:07 PM ::
Amy :: permalink
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