Thursday, January 27, 2005
Public Service Announcement

We like it dry.

Ladies, are you too wet? You know... down there? Does your less-endowed conservative Christian husband find that he just can't get any traction when he's making his monthly deposit to your Godly Vessel? Is this not the creepiest attitude towards sex you've ever encountered?

Anyway, the nice Christian couple who make AbsorbShun natural powder is here to help:

Hi Ladies,

I had the same excess moisture problem you have. Then I discovered AbsorbShun natural powder. Now lovemaking is wonderful again!

Yes, nothing spells sexual fulfillment like a dry, dry, bone-dry vagina.

AbsorbShun is a fine powder that is 100% all natural. It's like Nature's Way of solving our problem. I love that AbsorbShun natural powder is easy to use and starts working immediately.

Your man will say he feels bigger -- you could feel that, too!

God forbid any sloppy lady-juices should make your man feel... er... smaller... or something. Enduring itchy discomfort and painful friction is your wifely duty to your husband.
You're in control. You control the exact amount of lubrication you want and how tight you want to feel by how much and how often you use AbsorbShun. Personally, I find 2 - 3 applications during our lovemaking keeps us going strong. You may need less. AbsorbShun is my way to intimacy, fulfillment and great sex!

Try it for yourself! With the money back guarantee, there is no risk.

Happy in Love,

Cynthia Koss

Eeech... what fucking freaks. No wonder Christians are so anti-sex... they think it's supposed to hurt.

Let's cut to the chase... basically, this is a conservative Christian company trying to sell you 6.5 ounces of cornstarch (sorry, "the finely pulverized cells of an unmodified, naturally occurring maize plant") for $34.95 plus shipping and handling, plus sales tax where applicable. Praise Jesus! (Extra points awarded for finding a way to work the word "shun" into the name of a purported marital aid.)

PS: Don't miss the FAQ, where you'll find helpful hints, like using a "protein conditioner" -- like Mane 'N' Tail -- to reduce any soreness after use of AbsorbShun, and that you shouldn't use it with multiple partners. (Eh? Why not?)
1:00 PM ::
Amy :: permalink