Friday, February 04, 2005
Academic Update pt. 1

Okay, since I've done four snarky political posts in a row, I'm going to indulge in personal stuff that doesn't interest anyone who doesn't know me personally. I figure if I keep a four- or five-to-one ratio, nobody can hold it against me.

My brain hurts.

Okay, not exactly "hurts," but it definitely feels a little raw and swollen. I've been cramming so much into lately; three weeks in, I've put away four books and two dozen long articles, and I'm the process of turning out my first twenty pages of writing. I have pages of notes, and I spend roughly three-quarters of my waking life thinking about independent film and only independent film. It's a good thing, a productive thing -- my perceptions are changing, my theories are gradually coming into focus, and while I have a long way to go, I think I'm really, truly onto something potentially very important. I'm thinking about ultimately adapting this plan into a book, I've begun the process of hoarding sources, I've got 50-some-odd films queued up in my rent-by-mail service... I'm in with both feet, y'know?

But the difficult thing is that I really don't have anyone immediately around me to provide that so-necessary sounding board, nobody to vent all of this to, nobody to let me rant and work my ideas out verbally. I end up talking to myself -- which I guess is okay, but definitely adds to my general aura of final-year-student-slowly-going-mad.

Some would suggest that it's more productive to have no other outlet but writing -- that the sheer force of pent-up ideas will eventually lead to everything splattering out onto the page in a great intellectual purge. That sounds messy, but if it works, that's fine. But I'm definitely feeling a little mentally over-inflated right now, if you know what I mean.

Yes, I've got people around who are willing to read whatever I spew forth onto my computer screen (poor, hapless souls, you have my gratitude), but it's not quite the same as having somebody to argue and explore with. If a student expounds brilliantly and at length about the inherent preference of the film industry for the majority view, and nobody's around to hear it, does she actually make a sound?

Jesus, this is going to be a long year.
8:05 PM ::
Amy :: permalink
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