Friday, June 24, 2005
The Nefarious Liberal

Damn... they've gotten wise.

Leave it to Bush's Brain himself to whip the mask away from the grotesque face of liberal anti-Americanism and hatred for the military:

"Has there ever been a more revealing moment this year?" Mr. Rove asked. "Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the Mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals."

(New York Times)

And there, in a nutshell, is the ugliness of American liberalism -- we want soldiers to die. That, friends and neighbors, is why we criticize, that's why we question, that's why we demand that every death be acknowledged and seen by every American citizen. Rove's got us dead to rights; we've got a hate-on for the troops, and we wish them nothing but harm.

In honor of Karl Rove's bold revelation, then, I'd like to present...

"Twenty Ways to Hurt The Troops"

1. Send them to war unnecessarily and under false pretenses, to "protect" America from a non-existant threat.

2. Send them in insufficient numbers, so that they are unable to create a secure environment.

3. Send them with insufficient equipment and armor. When taken to task on it, promise to address the problem, then do nothing.

4. Make it impossible for troops to leave after the terms of their enlistment are up. Keeping them in battle for years on end would be ideal.

5. Drag former soldiers who thought they had retired from the service back into battle.

6. Recruit young kids on the basis that they won't be sent to Iraq, and then send 'em anyway.

7. Send troops normally reserved for domestic service into prolonged battle in a foreign country, ravaging their home and family lives.

8. Once troop morale is sufficiently low that new enlistments begin to drop off steeply, start recruiting people formerly considered unsuited to military service, thereby making sure that the quality of the military continues to fall.

9. Fill the warzone with unregulated private mercenaries, who degrade morale among the troops and create additional hostility among the citizens of the occupied nation. Also, pay those mercenaries enormously better than the troops -- this not only further decreases morale, but also siphons the most skilled and experienced officers out of the military, thereby further reducing the quality of the military. (A clever person could probably find a way to use this private-contractor system to do some profiteering on the side from the comfort and safety of a Washington office -- consider it a two-fer.)

10. Disregard the Geneva Convention -- not only will this increase the hostility of the occupied nationals, but will also serve to endanger the lives of any American troops (and aid workers, journalists, etc.)taken prisoner in the course of the war. By demonstrating that we feel no obligation to abide by international law, we can encourage our opponants to treat our people as badly as we treat theirs.

11. If caught engaging in torture, blame the troops.

12. Demonstrate through incompetence that the United States is not an unbeatable force; make it apparent to the entire world that we are vulnerable and unwilling to sacrifice as a nation in order to support our troops with more than words and yellow ribbon magnets.

13. Dishonor dead soldiers by refusing to acknowledge their sacrifice: treat letters of condolence with indifference, forbid the public acknowledgement of military funerals by disallowing photographs of flag-draped coffins, and make sure the president never attends a single soldier's funeral.

14. Make injured soldiers pay for their food while undergoing treatment for their injuries.

15. Slash veterans' medical benefits.

16. Slash veterans' retirement benefits. (At the very least, block every attempt to increase funding of any kind for veterans, in spite of increased need.)

17. Provide no aid to veterans who return from war with no resources; we want to see homeless vets panhandling on streetcorners just like in the good ol' post-Vietnam days. (Just because you didn't manage to kill them doesn't mean you can't still destroy their lives.)

18. Denigrate the quality of the military while making empty statements of support -- "You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have." If possible, say something like this in answer to a soldier who's asking why he has to go rummaging through landfills to find makeshift armor for his military vehicle. (That's chutzpah, baby.)

19. Completely ignore the advice of your military commanders in the field; make frequent statements about the status of the war that are completely disconnected from every available first-hand account.

20. Alienate the rest of the world from our "cause," making sure American soldiers are in it alone as much as possible. It might take a long time to repel our closest allies, but if we keep it up, eventually they'll go; then ALL the dead soldiers will be American.

Anyway, you get the idea -- those are just a few possibilities to get the ball rolling. Once we've cleared a certain number of dead soldiers, of course -- say, 1700 or so -- people might start to catch on that things are going badly. Support for our bogus war will start to drop, grumbling will be heard, even the press might begin to grow a pair and start asking uncomfortable questions. I have a few ideas for dealing with these eventualities:

We could always test the waters for another war -- distract the rubes long enough to cut and run. This tactic has a bonus: it spreads our troops even thinner, making their jobs literally impossible. And you know where that leads -- that's right, more dead soldiers!

If we can't manage a second war (well, technically third, but the first one was bordering on honest, so it doesn't count), then we can always make a stab at Plan B, "Operation Scapegoat":

Find the people responsible for pointing out our evil ways, and make them pay for our sins. Did they say all along that the war would lead to unnecessary death? Blame that death on them. Did they criticize us for the incompetence that directly led to pain for the troops? Blame that pain on them. The more they argued against all the things that hurt the troops, the more we paint them as responsible for that hurt. The main thing is to deflect, deflect, deflect -- we are pure and blameless, and they are filthy traitors. The less they had to do with the actual administration of the war, the better; the more removed from the decision-making process, the more plainly culpable we can make them appear. Attack, rebuke, slander, lie, and provoke -- it's the only way we can prove our honor, integrity, and beautiful innocence.

PS: One last statement: the Bush administration is made up entirely of scrotum-licking suckers of Satan's cock, and constitutes the closest thing the United States has ever had to a vindictive, theocratic, fascist-totalitarian dictatorship; furthermore, all of its supporters are selfish, petty, ignorant brownshirts-in-the-making. But I want to underline that that statement is simply a reflection of a difference of philosophy, not an attack. Thank you.

Update: pissed-off soldiers!
2:54 PM ::
Amy :: permalink