Thursday, December 29, 2005Home, Or A Reasonable Facsimilie Thereof
Well that was an interesting day. In a good way, I mean. Which is cool, since it's been a while since I've had a full-on, no-reservations Really Nice Day.
I went out this morning-ish expecting to see one person, my initial dip back into my old Memphis social circles. That the one person was one of my very most favoritest people in town meant that, after a week or two in quiet repose, I was particularly eager. It was exactly what I needed at just the right time... enough to soothe (at least temporarily) my lingering anxieties about whether or not I've done the right thing by returning. (They'll be back, I'm sure.)
But in the sort of chain of events that can only happen in a middling-sized city with a half-smothered hipster community, meeting up with one person eventually snowballed into running into damn near everybody I know. There in the coffee shop were three other acquaintances -- not there together, not in any particular configuration of inter-relatedness, just three random friends. One of them mentioned a screening by a fourth friend taking place that night. I went along at the appointed time, and there, predictably enough, was everybody else. All of them. At once. And by some stroke of good fortune, there were two old friends visiting from new homes out of town, both of them having extended their stays by an extra day (for different reasons), and both leaving in the morning. One of the out-of-towners was another of my very most favorite people from Memphis, and the pleasant surprise of getting a snuggly hug from him made the evening that much better. There were, of course, a couple of people who weren't present -- there are always faces missing. But of everyone I'm at all interested in seeing in this city, I do believe I found every one of them at some point during the day -- and all without even meaning to.
There were also lots of strangers around -- every time I go to the Co-op now, it seems, there are new people who stare at me suspiciously, like I'm the new one. I'm just insecure enough that that annoys the hell out of me. But I'm also reserved enough (pointing out that "reserved" is just the grown-up, emotionally mature version of "shy") to not go straight up and re-establish my spot in the hierarchy. But it doesn't matter... they'll figure it out soon enough.
I don't quite know what to make of it all. I still feel a deep-seated, knee-jerk reluctance to admit that I'm comfortable here; that there could be something in Memphis that I might value even more highly than my closely-guarded rootlessness. I really don't want that to be true. But coming back is an awful lot like crawling into bed after a long day, if you know what I mean. |