Wednesday, February 15, 2006
But I Did Not Shoot The Deputy

Of course, it's always funny until someone gets hurt. The news of Dick Cheney's victim's heart attack certainly made us all feel a little bit guilty about being so deeply amused by the story, but, as has been helpfully pointed out by assorted pundits, Whittington's worsening condition doesn't change the basic facts of the incident.

And those basic facts couldn't be more obvious.

After a pleasant picnic that absolutely did not/maybe did/definitely did involve alcohol, Cheney and Whittington were hunting wild quail/shooting at farm-raised birds in an enclosure while their hostess, Karen Armstrong, sat within hearing range/in a car a football field's-length distant. Armstrong became aware that an accident had occured when she witnessed the shooting/saw Cheney's Secret Service detail running toward the scene of the accident. Dick Cheney had accidentally discharged his shotgun from a distance of 30 yards, which, as we know, will produce a spray pattern of approximately 18 inches in diameter, even on a windy day. Following the accident, Whittington was "peppered pretty good"/"more bruised than bloodied"/bleeding profusely/barely aware of what was happening. Whittington was attended to by the medical contingent that Cheney keeps on-hand at all times, and police were called/left to find out on their own/turned away at the gate.

Whittington was rushed to the hospital where he was demonstrated to be fine/admitted to the intensive care unit. Since the shot had been fired from a fairly distant range, his injuries were superficial/included one pellet embedded in his liver. His condition worsened after one pellet (weighing 1/345th of an ounce, fired from 90 feet away) migrated from surface tissues, through his heart, lungs, back through his heart, through his aorta, and back into his coronary arteries/penetrated his clothing, skin, several inches of skin, fat, muscle, and inner chest wall; and there induced a minor infarction. This is a completely plausible/highly unlikely scenario. The effects of that much lead in the body of a 78-year-old man are not a concern.

The accident was reported to the press and the White House on Saturday/Sunday as decided by Cheney/Armstrong.

You see? It's so simple.


Nobody thinks this was anything but an accident. Nobody thinks Cheney meant to shoot one of his donors, and nobody regards Cheney as being anything more than foolish and maybe irresponsible with his firearm. It was a regrettable incident, but even we most virulently anti-Bush/Cheney people aren't suggesting that anybody did anything worse than act stupidly. And it's not as if news that a Bush administration official had done something stupid would shock us at this point.

So why with the subterfuge? Is this administration simply pathological in its inability to tell a straightforward truth? Cheney fucked up and shot a hunting companion at close-ish range; it happens every day. The guy's hurt, but he's probably going to be okay. Yeah, it looks bad, but not as bad as the CONSTANT FUCKING LYING.

Too bad lying's not enough to get a guy impeached.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.
1:31 PM ::
Amy :: permalink