Friday, March 31, 2006Friday Perfect World Blogging
The revolution is coming, and it will be fuelled by Mexican Coke. Does anyone deny its obvious superiority? And why is it that in a country where half the population lives on $2 a day, the Coke is still made with yummy cane sugar and comes in lovely glass bottles, while we rich Americans are stuck with nasty high-fructose corn syrup and ugly plastic? I think we should take to the streets and demand better treatment. I'm cool with ALL the Mexicans coming to live here if they'll bring their Coca-Cola with them.
Furthermore, we'd all be better off if we scrapped history, with all its petty grudges,long-standing ethnic feuds, and stupid, pointless wars, and adopted a new history of the world based on the movies. We'd be so much better off if we could look back into history and perceive that our true enemy was those fucking Predator bastards all along. (And wouldn't it be awesome if we devoted ourselves as a species to making sure that the future actually happens as prophesied in the movies? At least then we'd know what to plan for... and hey, we'd know that no matter how bad things get, it's all gonna work out great in the end.)
In this perfect future, all children will learn Leetspeak in elementary school.It will finally accomplish what Esperanto never could.
And finally, in our future better world, people will never fight, they'll just carry around Batsigns and flash them at whomever they're angry at. We can use them to fight the coming Cola Wars. Imagine the splendor of thousands rioters waving their colorful cards and shouting, CRUNCH! CRASH! CRA-A-A-CK! FLRBBBBB! And all the riot cops carrying their own cards and yelling THWACK! OUCH! WHACK! BONK! ZAP! (Of course, since they all learned 1337, we'll need a new one for "PWNED!!!")
(It was really hard to pick just one of those, so I opted for the classic.) |