Saturday, April 08, 2006

I don't know why, but I've been feeling really uninspired this week -- not bad or depressed or anything, just really low-energy. I feel like someone let all the air out of my passion... pfffffff. I'm sure in another week or so I'll be back on top of things, but if I've been taciturn of late, it's because I just can't be bothered writing my thoughts down. You know how it is.

And I've been rolling a lot of thoughts and ideas around in my head lately -- if anything, I've been feeling intellectually voracious these last weeks. Having come off a year dedicated to tying old thoughts into a tidy little bow, now I'm (naturally) putting a lot of my energy into developing some new ones. I've been thinking a lot about the difference between art and intellect -- for example, intellectually I think I could be a kick-ass film writer, except that I can barely bring myself to actually write about film. Writing about it, y'see, is an intellectual exercise, but in my case film is my chosen artistic medium -- and art is something you do, not something you think about. Of course, the doing is usually, in my case, preceded by a protracted period of thinking about it, but it's a different kind of thought: it's about growth and development rather than dissection and analysis. I hate reading about film, too, except inasmuch as it helps me feed my own development. This is something I'm only now consciously realizing -- I always feel like I should be eager to read the writings of directors, and sometimes I am, but it's still an activity that's uncomfortably removed from "doing".

Would the rest of you artful people agree? Does this sound roughly accurate to you?

So now I'm thinking that while writing about film would still be a useful (and necessary) thing to undertake, maybe I'd be best off also picking some other medium -- one that I don't participate in and have no intention of participating in -- and writing about that instead. Or making films about it. Or, hell, both. There's no law that says I can't do both.

Planting seeds, planting seeds.

I'm also blaming my available workspace for my low productivity. I've gotten some writing done since I came back, and I've made a lot of notes, but I haven't accomplished as much as I'd like, or as much as I think I feasibly could. I think it's this chair and this desk. This room. The way the light streams(or more accurately, fails to stream) through the window. The intriguing but frankly ugly pattern on the wallpaper. Is that a cop-out? I think probably it is, but then again, I'm a lot more creatively productive in other places, and environment is actually pretty important. The single biggest batch of structural work I've done since I got back was at a noisy bar during a show -- I started out just trying to look busy, and somehow that turned into actually being busy, to the point that I ignored friends because I was on such a roll. If I could work in public all the time, I'd have a finished feature screenplay by now. But I just can't write a screenplay longhand. Notes I have to do longhand, but the actual writing I have to type. I can't write fast enough to keep up with my brain.
9:43 PM ::
Amy :: permalink