Thursday, April 20, 2006
This Is My Rifle, This Is My Gun

I have an official position on guns, and one that seems to surprise a lot of conservatives when the subject comes up (though why it should I have no idea.) In a nutshell: I don't give a shit if you have guns or not. I don't have one, I don't ever intend to have one, and I prefer if people don't bring them around me any more than necessary. But that said, what you do in the privacy of your own home is up to you.

Now, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to insist that we as a society know where our widely-dispersed collective armory is housed, and to require that guns be kept in a secure, orderly fashion (according to the 2nd amendment, after all, it's a well-ordered militia, not a loaded handgun under every pillow.) But I have no interest in taking your guns away, contrary to what the conservative ilk would tell you. I could not possibly care less.

But this is still funny:

If Republicans taught gun safety like they do sex education, they would:

* allow everyone to own a gun (even more, they'd require it: gunlessness is an abomination), but they'd insist that kids could never, ever take them out of their holster, sheath or gun rack
* it would be illegal to expose your weapon or even talk about it
* exposing a gun on TV would outrage viewers, who would deluge the network with complaining phone calls
* blanks, trigger locks, and even safeties would be forbidden
* there would be accidental discharges every night in every teenager's home, but no one would ever talk about it
* it would be a shameful sin to go off by yourself and practice shooting at targets
* the only acceptable use would be to kill something, although it would be OK to miss if you were sincerely trying to kill something
* most hunters would be desperately hoping to miss every time they went hunting, and would try to contrive situations in which they could fire their guns without actually hitting anything
* no one would ever be taught how to handle a gun safely. Dad would say "son, don't shoot that gun except to kill something", but he wouldn't explain how to load it, unload it, safe it, carry it, aim it.


When I lived in Arkansas as a teenager, we had to take a gun safety class every year (in "health" class) so that we would be adequately trained in the judicious use of firearms -- the argument was that it would encourage us to use our firearms responsibly. We were not, however, required to take a sex education class (and even what class there was was badly compromised by misinformation.) In fact, there was discussion as to whether sex education should be offered at all - the argument being that it would encourage us to use our genitalia irresponsibly.

All I know is, I knew a lot more teenagers who got knocked up than shot. But I bet the net effect of the former isn't much less traumatic than that of the latter.
3:48 PM ::
Amy :: permalink