Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Too Drained To Come Up With A Title

I went to the research hospital where my mom works today and had lunch with her in the cafeteria. The food's a little on the mediocre side (mushy noodles, yuck), but the atmosphere is nice. The hospital is probably one of the most diverse places in the city, and I can't get enough of that; I miss hearing people speaking languages I don't understand. Whenever I do, it always makes me a little happier.

Anyway, we were talking about the usual assortment of big and small subjects, and I mentioned that I was getting anxious over some things. Not just the obvious things, but the small things as well. She pointed out that it wasn't surprising that I might be feeling a little angsty -- I've got a lot in the air right now. And she's right. I have the anticipation that things are about to start happening, that things are on the verge of being resolved (or heading in the general direction of resolution), but none of it's actually happening yet. I continue to plug away at those things upon which I can have some effect, but a lot of what's going on can't or won't be rushed. All I can do in the meantime is scowl and fidget.

Having the chance to spend the week in a quiet space has been a lucky coincidence. While I can't necessarily say that it's made much practical difference (although I've used a fraction of the gasoline I normally use this week, which is a definite benefit), it's made it easier for me to focus on one thing at a time. I hesitate to go so far as to say it's helped me "relax." I've been napping a lot, not because I'm not sleeping well but because I suddenly feel exhausted -- but that's not quite the same thing. I'm pretty wound-up right now. There's a lot going on just below the surface. But I've been able to deal with it in a balanced way, so that's good. I've been getting a lot of reading done, which is much easier when you've got a comfortable place to sit, good light, and don't have to contend with the score to The Quiet Man screwing itself into your brain while you're trying to concentrate on some dense text.

Nope, I haven't missed John Wayne a bit.

It's weird, though, to look at the last week and see how many disparate things have cropped up simultaneously. The last six months have been quiet but dull and often frustrating; now there's a palpable sense of gathering momentum -- "hey, look, we're moving again." Admittedly, it would be nice to know to where. But regardless, I only hope that this movement is real and not my imagination; I'm sick of these false starts.
10:47 PM ::
Amy :: permalink
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