Thursday, June 15, 2006
Wanted: Advice

So, I've been going over and over a situation in my mind for the last two days, and I just can't come to a decision. I keep thinking I've made up my mind, but then I start doubting my decision, and end up going in circles. So I'm opening it up for advice. Be warned: this is a stupid problem. But sometimes the stupid problems, by their very stupidity, are the hardest to solve.

The background: there's a guy here in town, known for the purposes of this post as B., whom I've known for a good long while -- probably four years or so. B. and I are friendly acquaintances -- not close, but sociable on the occasions when we run into each other. I genuinely like B. and harbor no ill will towards him. However, at one point in the past, harsh words were exchanged between us. There's no point in going into it now; I've never thought it did any long-term damage to our relationship. There are times when I wonder whether B. still holds some small grudge over that incident, based on weird little things that have happened since. But that could just as easily be some delusion on my part, so I let it go. I can't really be bothered with it either way.

Anyway, B. has made a film, a big one, his formal directorial debut. It premiered almost a year ago, but he's screening it a couple of times this weekend, and I've been invited (several times, by several different people, none of whom are B.) to attend. The problem: they're asking $15 at the door to get in. That's roughly three times the going rate for a locally-produced independent film in this town, and it's $15 that I really don't have to spare.

So here's my dilemma: on the one hand, I feel I should go. B. isn't a close friend, but he's still a friend, and I've known him for a relatively long time. I want to support his efforts, and I do want to see his film. There are other people involved whom I also support. I believe that creative work deserves fair payment, so I'm perfectly willing to pay admission; I don't feel comfortable asking for a discount or to be put on some kind of guest list for the destitute. On some level I feel socially obligated to go.

On the other hand, I was never on the list of people B. called upon for help or support earlier in the process -- there was even one event from which I felt rather pointedly excluded (though not in a malicious way.) There's nothing particularly special about this screening that I can tell, apart from the fact that lots of the cast will be there -- but I already know a lot of those people anyway. And to be perfectly blunt, $15 admission feels vaguely extortionate. If I had it, I'd give it, but right now $15 is a significant amount of money to me, and I'm not sure what I'm actually paying for. I'm cool with not having been involved, but I think it's reasonable to say that there's some part of me that resents being asked to pay a high price for the privilege of seeing his film when I was left out of everything else.

It's worth pointing out, though, that I can be a little irrationally sensitive about being left out or ignored. So take my resentment with a grain of salt as applicable.

So what should I do? Should I go see the film, or should I just stay home?
2:02 AM ::
Amy :: permalink