Sunday, August 20, 2006
Corn Rigs And Barley Rigs

No no no no no... goddammit, NO.

Why can't these motherfuckers find their own movie ideas? Why they gotta go ruining other people's films? The vast body of world literature isn't enough for you uncreative bastards to pillage when you're stuck for an idea (like the rest of us); you have to cannibalize your own?

And Nicholas Cage?! What, was Vin Diesel busy or something? Look, if it hasn't got Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, and Britt Ekland (singing horny songs about 14-year-olds and slapping the walls with her ass hanging out), and lots of bad 70s-era folk music in it, it ain't the fucking Wicker Man.

The Wicker Man ends with Edward Woodward in a nightgown singing "Onward Christian Soldiers" while turning nice and crispy. Anyone who thinks they can improve on that ending needs to learn some fucking respect for their betters.

See that? That's the One True Wicker Man. Edward Woodward is up there screaming, "Chrrrrrist! Oh God!" while Christopher Lee leads his folksy pagan minions in a nice little singalong.

Could Nicholas Cage ever pull that off?

I think fucking not.

PS: And don't you bastards get any funny ideas about Zardoz.
2:25 PM ::
Amy :: permalink