Saturday, September 23, 2006

I'm tired.

I had to go up to town today (like I didn't have to go anyway) to help out with an event at the Co-op. I didn't have to do much -- just open the doors and unlock the projection cabinet, and make a few announcements. Maybe 50 people came to the event, of whom I knew half a dozen. And today for some reason, being around that many strangers just sucked me dry, even more than it usually does. It isn't shyness as such, and it isn't even reserve (though I can be very reserved); it's just that I'm very much a classic introvert. I keep a few close friends whom I prefer to see in ones and twos, or maybe as a small group if I'm really comfortable with everyone. And I can be reasonably outgoing with strangers if I'm introduced and can interact one-on-one, though it always requires some extra effort. But mobs of strangers make me uncomfortable -- not because I can't deal with people, but because they suck the energy right out of me.

This is a big part of why I withdrew from the film industry -- I'm just no good at this schmoozing shit. I don't understand why the social aspect has to be such an integral part of the medium, why I can't just do my work and have that be enough. I've never been one of the cool kids, I'm never going to be one, and I have no real desire to be one in any case... but they can still have an effect on me. I'm 30 years old, and the popular kids can still bring me down. I thought I'd have outgrown that by now.

Anyway, after the event ended and the mob dispersed, I felt a little off-center for the rest of the evening but forged ahead nonetheless. And I got my cut done. There's still one sequence that I'll need to take a fresh look at tomorrow, but I've learned through long experience that a rough cut needs to mellow overnight before you can trim it up. But for the first time, I got to see a full cut of the video. So that was gratifying.

Now I just have to drag the band in to see it and help me check the beats. Then I'll be exporting a copy for the festival showcase, and then making two additional versions (one as a standalone film and one for the web) which will require some minimal adjustments. And then I'll be done -- though I'm sure in a few months I'll come back and see a lot of changes I want to make. I figure I'll take a couple of days to come down and get used to the idea of not having to work on it anymore. Low-grade sorrow will set in after a week or so, once I start missing the process; I'm going to try to drag my camera out and shoot something, anything, to prolong the momentum a little more. And then I'll turn my attention back to the other project.

It's funny, I just realized that I've been engaged in ongoing film-production-related-programs-activities for months solid now. And to think that a couple of years ago I was torturing myself over not doing any filming at all.
10:49 PM ::
Amy :: permalink