Sunday, April 08, 2007
The Blood Of The Lamb Turns Milk Magically Chocolately!

Easter is where Christianity really breaks down for me.

I get Christmas, you know? I don't think it ever actually happened, but I understand the mythic appeal. I get much of the rest of the essential story of Jesus, even though I don't think he ever existed in any form other than an amalgamation of older mythic/folkloric figures that was perhaps overlaid onto the identity of someone who has since been entirely lost to us. But Easter -- I just draw a blank.

There seem to be two differing attitudes towards Jesus in the amorphous theological blob we call "Christianity": on one side are the people who believe that it was Jesus' philosophy that mattered most, with his death either a symbolic gesture tacked onto the narrative after the fact, or else largely irrelevant; and on the other are those who believe the death was the important thing, and that everything that happened between the nativity and the crucifixion / resurrection was just a nice bit of filler to move the story along. One side is all peace and humility and love for your fellow man; the other is all blood and guts and sadomasochistic glee. I worry about that latter group, but Easter is definitely their holiday.

I'm cool with the pagan part of Easter (though every year I wonder how the Xians manage to so willfully ignore such a blatant indicator of their religion's profane origins), mostly because it's fun, I'm not expected to actually believe in it, and there's chocolate involved. Some people, however -- mostly those from that second group I mentioned above -- aren't down with the combination of chocolate and Jesus. Bill Donohue, for example, didn't think it was a good idea at all. What I can't quite get my head around, though, is how producing a free-floating chocolate Jesus is a horrible blasphemy, but producing a million semi-solid chocolate facsimiles of the implement of Jesus' gruesome demise and selling them at Wal-Mart as a tasty celebration of Jesus' loving sacrifice is okay.

I mean, that shit just doesn't make any damn sense. You know the situation has become confused when the pagan chocolate bunny is the non-controversial choice.

Other things to make Bill Donohue have kittens: Cheesus, Zombie Jesus, and the too-fucking-perfect Jackhammer Jesus. The power of Christ compels you, indeed! (Don't click that last one, Mom.)
6:57 PM ::
Amy :: permalink
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