Thursday, May 17, 2007Attack of the Visible Genitalia!
Oh noes!!!! Run!
BRATTLEBORO, Vt. -- Spring has arrived in this southeastern Vermont town known for its live-and-let-live culture. The trees are less bare, and some local residents are more so.
Resident Theresa Toney said she was dining at a downtown restaurant when she spotted this spring's first naked person. She looked out the window "and saw a man in his 60s walking up and down Main Street totally nude," she told the Brattleboro Reformer newspaper. "This is indecent exposure where it doesn't belong."
"How do you want to be viewed as Brattleboro?" asked the Rev. Kevin Horion. "We want to welcome families with small children."
Nudists could pop up anywhere, he said. "I am concerned we don't know where they are going to strike."
Yes, that elderly man's flaccid penis could strike at any time! Completely by surprise! With no warning! We might even accidentally see his balls! Shock! Horror! Gnash your teeth and rend your garments!
(Incidentally, do you think a 60-year-old scrotum is more or less wrinkly than a young one? It might be more, because it's older... but it also might be less, because it's all stretched out. Any old dudes around here have some insight to share?)
Oh, Brattleboro. Just when I think I've forgotten you, you do something like this and the feelings come rushing back. The thought of that fundie fuckhead being offended (he'd probably call it "persecuted") by a smiling old naked dude is like a ray of warm sunshine in my mind. |