Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The Guilt of the Company Girl

Tomorrow's the day I hand in my notice at work, and I'm really, really nervous about it. Partly because I've known I was going to leave since before I took the job, and I've been living a lie in the office. But mostly it's because this week is apparently when everybody finally got used to me being there, and they've begun to ask me what my intentions toward the company are.

"So, when do you plan to join up in a permanent position?"

"What area of IT are you thinking of going into?"

"Hey, do you want to join the image creation team/Java programming group/(insert name of obscure proprietary software here) training course?"

And then I hem and haw and say something noncommittal that makes me look vaguely dimwitted, and wonder what they're going to think when they find out that I'm bailing. And it's silly to feel this way -- for all intents and purposes this job is a low-level paid internship that I took because it fulfilled all my immediate needs, and I have no obligation whatsoever to the department or the organization. I'm not even obliged to give 30 days notice, I'm just doing it as a courtesy to my boss. I have doubts as to whether they'll even replace me after I'm gone -- I've cheerfully done everything asked of me and more, but I serve no essential role, and my desk is just a landing pad for tedious work that nobody else wants to do. The department will not be crippled nor even much inconvenienced by my departure. So why do I feel so guilty about it?

Update: It all went fine. My boss was actually really supportive -- she told me that my first priority should be to find opportunities to do what I want to do, and that everybody was behind me. So that was cool.

Now I just have to write up my formal resignation, and on Sept. 20 I'll be done here.

8:05 PM ::
Amy :: permalink